Immigration: Welcome to Bonkers, USA
Been there, didn’t do that
by Mark Harris, NationalPoliticalDigest.com



In 1986, Congress enacted and President Reagan signed
The Act to Amend the Immigration and Nationality Act.
Everything was all well and good except for one thing,
enforcement. The Act (or Re-Act) took care of a couple
of million illegal aliens. It basically stopped the
train within the United States, let all the illegal
aliens board (unless they were carrying running
chainsaws or bloody axes) . They were shuffled through
the various and numerous geegees (government
giveaways) food stamps; housing; medical; you know the
drill. Everything was Kumbaya, but the people weren’t
listening to the sounds of the other revving train. I
call it the holistic approach, for the border between
Mexico and the U.S. was one big hole! Millions of
dollars were appropriated for more border control and
lots and lots and lots of bureaucrats to handle the
myriad of paperwork to begin the many layers and
processes of legalizing the existing aliens. 

North of the border was becoming sweeter than ever.
South of the border was still entrenched with the same
endless poverty. The Mexican government didn’t then
and doesn’t now care a hoot about the substandard
plight of any of their people, unless they are already
wealthy. The symbiotic relationship between the jobs
north and the futility south became osmosis. That Ross
Perot “sucking sound” was poor Latinos coming to the
economy of the north with businesses’ hands wide open.
As the numbers have steadily climbed the system has
given away to overburdened and under funded border
control. This has become an added worry because of
drug traffickers and God only knows the number of
terrorists and sundry gang members who have entered
our country. The blind eye of several U.S.
administrations and Congresses have allowed the
situation to get out of control. Now, twenty years
later, we have in some estimates as high as 14
millions of newly implanted illegal aliens.

We might need to do some “illegal alien 101” at this
point. We have some communities that have declared
themselves “safe havens” for illegal aliens. They say
they will refuse to enforce immigration law. Now,
maybe I’m wrong, but that seems very close to
harboring a fugitive. I thought that was against the
law. We have another instance of a judge performing a
wedding ceremony for a particular couple, one being an
illegal alien. I’m all for marriage, but for a judge
on taxpayer dollars to wed an illegal alien seems like
aiding and abetting. I thought that was against the
law.

Babies are often used as an asylum ploy. Illegal alien
mothers dash though all kinds of danger to give birth
in the United States. In this way, the child
automatically becomes a U.S. citizen. This is one of
the most cynical approaches used. It should be on the
short list of reconsiderations “to fix“. One only
needs to look at a quite similar situation. Let us say
that a legal U.S. citizen, a mother, gives birth just
before she is sentenced to 5 years for drug offenses.
She broke the law just as the illegal alien did. Let
the tears fall, but the law is the law. Many, too many
Americans, are willing to cover over the law at times
of “emotional inconvenience”. As Homeland Security
Chief Michael Chertoff said, “We’re sympathetic, but
you have to understand it was the parents’ choice to
break the law.”

It is hard to imagine, but we actually have volunteers
helping to guard our border with Mexico. Now somewhere
in the Constitution it says something about the
Federal Government is supposed to secure our borders.
We do deficit spending all the time. Let’s put a guard
every 5 feet if it takes it. This is post 9/11 season.
Remember!

We also have a particular type of cancer in the
interior of the southwest of our country. It is
basically the “Nation of Aztlan” theory, stating that
huge tracts of U.S. territory belong to the
descendants of Mexicans. It is backed by “La Reza”, a
pro-Mexican and anti-American group. I believe
somewhere along history there was a war. Uh, we won
it! There have been calls for an “economic boycott” by
illegal workers in the United States. No doubt, this
would hurt. Sounds a little like “biting the hand” to
me. You know the ones; us; the ones who provide the
jobs, medical assistance, homes, etc.

Does all this seem somewhat like “Bonkers, USA”. It
truly has gotten out of control, but we’ve let it
happen. Maybe it happened too slowly. The citizens in
the southwest have been seeing it for years. Now, the
spread of illegal aliens is effecting most of the
states. Mexicans and other Latinos have become more
integral to the economy. You’ll find them in the
nurseries, fields, factories and meat processing
plants of Kentucky, Oklahoma, Tennessee and dozens of
other states. As our economy produces more college
educated people, the less desirable and lower scale
jobs have to be filled by someone. So the less
educated, if at all, will be taking that open hand of
businesses more and more as our economy continues to
grow.

In the 1990’s almost all industrial sectors of our
economy grew rapidly. This has continued through most
of 2000 and onward. The agricultural, construction
industry, non-durable goods, hotel and food jobs have
mushroomed. This became a magnet and overwhelmed
government on all levels.

Prior to the events of 9/11, President Bush and
policymakers were in the process of devoting
substantial resources toward a multi-pronged approach
to the obvious problem of immigration. The War on
Terrorism has interrupted this for awhile. Now, with
no attacks on the mainland in six years, the subject
is coming front in center. We’ve seen where we were in
1986. We see where we are today. It’s the same
problem, just many times bigger. Now, what do we do?

What do you think of the idea of a “tamper-proof
Social Security Card”? Wait a minute! I read that
somewhere. Yes, it was in the “1986 Immigration Act”.
Twenty-one years ago the federal government offered up
millions of dollars to use all available technology to
do just that. I don’t know about you, but I’m still
carrying around my old, tattered paper card.

Do you think some punishments may be in order for a
business that breaks the law when it comes to hiring
illegal aliens? What do you say about a little device
that they slide the job applicant’s card though? It
would tell the status of the immigrant. You can’t be
to nosey and intrusive on his rights, now. Why not
make every employee do the same thing. Maybe that
wouldn’t be quite so discriminatory. You know I’ve
seen the same sort of things in use now. I believe
they’re called credit/debit cards. And those laws;
they’ve been on the books for 21 years!  

What do you say we round them all up and deport them.
At first glance, that might be satisfying to some. You
might change your mind: however, when you’re on the
that “carb thing diet” and don’t have any bacon or red
meat. And if you’re a vegetarian; where are my
tomatoes and lettuce? It is just not a feasible
proposition. Now, twenty years later, we still have
newspapers (written in Spanish), radio programs
(spoken in Spanish), television (spoken in Spanish),
and now we even have blogs (written in Spanish). Dear
Illegal Alien: You have 30 days, 60 days or whatever
to register at your closest immigration office. You
will be able to get certified, if your not a criminal,
except for illegally coming into our country. You will
be able to start making amends like community service,
pay a substantial fine, and your time starts now to
try for citizenship. Not three, five, ten years or
whatever, ago. You will work and live at the same
place you are right now. Any infractions of the above
rules and you will be allowed one call before you are
summarily deported back to whence you came. The
definition of amnesty is the granting of a pardon by
an authority to a large number of people. It does not
apply here.

So, back to that pesky “holistic border”. I haven’t
changed my mind. Whatever it takes. Armed guards every
5, 10, 30 feet. Whatever! And by the way, free trade
is going to be a little slower. Those trucks from the
south are not going to drive willy-nilly to the north.
Complete and thorough inspections!

I don’t feel there is anything wrong with a “guest
worker program”. It simply needs to be a stringently
enforced system. It's purpose is only for the foreign
worker to be employed and follow all the rules. It
should not be a hand out from the troughs of taxpayer
dollars. No food stamps. No housing allowance. Above
all, automatic citizenship for children born here of
foreigners should be abolished post haste. Foreign
women should be required to go home after three months
of pregnancy. Not closing this ploy is a Pandora’s Box
of mighty proportions.

So, basically I propose we stop everything in its
tracks. Register all workers in a matter of months.
Keep track of them accordingly, at their own peril.
Put some dough in that hole in the border.

                                                     NationalPoliticalDigest.com - Recent Poll

                                                         Conducted from 5/11/07 thru 5/16/07

Who do you prefer as your Republican Presidential Nominee? Answers Votes Percent 1. Rudy Giuliani 4935 19% 2. Fred Thompson 6413 25% 3. Newt Gingrich 4198 16% 4. Mitt Romney 3841 15% 5. Sam Brownback 856 3% 6. John McCain 4764 18% 7. Duncan Hunter 652 2% 8. Mike Huckabee 291 1% 9. Tom Tancredo 137 1% Total Votes: 26087

Who do you prefer as your Democrat Presidential Nominee? Answers Votes Percent 1. Joe Biden 1507 16% 2. John Edwards 1634 18% 3. Barack Obama 1672 18% 4. Hillary Rodham Clinton 2871 31% 5. Al Gore 792 9% 6. Russ Feingold 797 9% 7. Chris Dodd 4 0% 8. Mike Gravel 1 0% 9. Dennis Kucinich 1 0% Total Votes: 9279

Which describes your idea of the best answer to the health care problems in our country? Answers Votes Percent 1. It should stay the same. 1568 5% 2. We should have a nationalized health care system. 8686 28% 3. The government should guarantee health care for all citizens. 3116 10% 4. I am satisfied with health care delivery, but concerned about the cost. 9976 32% 5. Cannot see it being fixed. 0 0% 6. Freeze all costs at all levels: drugs, doctors, hospitals, insurance companies. 3215 10% 7. Should stop virtually all lawsuits, except for the most egregious. 4805 15% Total Votes: 31366

Generally speaking, do you think illegal aliens help or harm the nation's economy? Answers Votes Percent 1. Help. 9406 30% 2. Harm. 20392 65% 3. Neither. 1568 5% Total Votes: 31366

Do you favor a tougher law enforcement effort, a guest worker program, or both to help solve our nation's immigration problem? Answers Votes Percent 1. Only tougher law enforcement. 10976 35% 2. Only guest worker program. 1568 5% 3. Both. 17238 55% 4. Neither. 1574 5% Total Votes: 31356

Of the following, which describes your strongest sentiment about the handling of illegal aliens living in our country? Answers Votes Percent 1. They can remain if they meet certain requirements. 17251 55% 2. They can remain for a limited set amount of time. 4704 15% 3. They must all be deported before anything else can happen on their behalf. 9409 30% Total Votes: 31364

Should the government require everyone to have a tamper proof Social Security card to prove eligibility for work? Answers Votes Percent 1. Favor. 28379 90% 2. Oppose. 2987 10% Total Votes: 31366

Should the government crack down on laws concerning businesses hiring illegal aliens? Answers Votes Percent 1. Yes. 31251 100% 2. No. 115 0% Total Votes: 31366

Should the government do more to seal off the border between our country and Mexico? Answers Votes Percent 1. Seal off all the border. 20388 65% 2. Seal off more than already exists. 4705 15% 3. Tear down existing border walls. 6273 20% Total Votes: 31366

Do you believe in a freeflowing, no questions asked border, border entry point enforcement only, or a tightly constrained border system? Answers Votes Percent 1. Freeflowing, no questions asked. 1494 5% 2. Border point enforcement only. 4481 14% 3. Tightly constrained border system. 25390 81% Total Votes: 31365

Should the goverment increase the number of Border Patrol agents? Answers Votes Percent 1. Yes. 26885 86% 2. No. 2987 10% 3. Drawdown. 1494 5% Total Votes: 31366

Do you think granting some sortof legal status to the illegal aliens living in our country is amnesty? Answers Votes Percent 1. Yes. 19417 62% 2. No. 11949 38% Total Votes: 31366

Should a child born in this country be considered a U.S. citizen if one or both parents is an illegal alien? Answers Votes Percent 1. Yes. 7468 24% 2. No. 23898 76% Total Votes: 31366

How do you categorize you political status? Answers Votes Percent 1. Very liberal. 54 0% 2. Liberal. 1494 5% 3. Moderate. 7468 24% 4. Conserative. 14936 48% 5. Very Conservative. 7414 24% Total Votes: 31366

Is your political party one of these? Answers Votes Percent 1. Republican. 15819 50% 2. Democratic. 8462 27% 3. Libertarian. 1994 6% 4. Independent. 4976 16% 5. Other. 115 0% Total Votes: 31366

Do you think your federal income tax is too high, too low, or about right? Answers Votes Percent 1. Too high. 25391 81% 2. Too low. 2990 10% 3. Just about right. 2985 10% Total Votes: 31366

Do you think taxes should be as they are, graduated and progressive or flat rate? Answers Votes Percent 1. Graduated and progressive. 10455 33% 2. Flat rate. 20911 67% Total Votes: 31366

Neal Boortz wrote a book about something called a fair tax concept. If you are familiar with it, do you agree with it in principle? Answers Votes Percent 1. Yes. 13443 43% 2. No. 1494 5% 3. Haven't heard about it. 16429 52% Total Votes: 31366

Onthe question of the War in Iraq, which position best describes your opinion? Answers Votes Percent 1. The military should stay as long as it takes to bring violence down to an acceptable level and leave a stable government. 21461 68% 2. Give the "surge" until September, 2007 to give very positive results. 1654 5% 3. No matter what, start bringing troops home in 3 months. 6603 21% 4. No matter what, start bringing troops home in 6 months. 1648 5% 5. No matter what, start bringing troops home in 9 months. 0 0% 6. No matter what, start bringing troops home in 12 months. 0 0% Total Votes: 31366

What do you think will happen in Iraq if we bring our troops home in 3-6 months? Answers Votes Percent 1. The violence will slowly burn out leaving a political solution. 4705 15% 2. Al-Qaeda will claim a victory and continue its terrorism against us. 15683 50% 3. The violence will stay about the same. 3137 10% 4. Violence will turn into a major civil war, possibly igniting a regional conflict. 7841 25% Total Votes: 31366

DEMS…BRIBERY!..RICO!..TREASON!

by Mark Harris, NationalPoliticalDigest.com

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Criminal Action U.S. Code 18,201 Bribery
Criminal Action U.S. Code 18,1956 RICO
Criminal Action U.S. Code 18,2381 Treason

         1. Whereas, on or about March 23, 2007, the House of Representatives of the United States voted yea on passage of H.R. 1591, Emergency Supplemental Appropriations for Fiscal Year Ending September 30, 2007.
        2. Whereas, on or about March 29, 2007, the Senate of the United States voted yea on passage of H.R. 1591, Emergency Supplemental Appropriations for Fiscal Year Ending September 30, 2007.
        3. Whereas, on these separate days, the respective members of both bodies formed an unholy alliance with various votes being bought for vast sums of money committed to individual districts and states. The majority party was utterly and totally complicit in this scheme. These agreements were made on items totally unrelated to the needs of the military and were made with general common knowledge.
        4. Whereas, certain members, specifically Congressman Murtha, supported this bill for the express purpose of "a slow bleed" to the war. And therefore, at a time of war, proposed this method with no regard for the betrayal of a trust made by the nation and particularly the Congress of the United States of America to the men and women of the nation's military. The armed forces of the United States have been committed to the international war on terror. Anything less than total victory is nothing more than failure and defeat. The Heroes of this War have already died or been wounded at least once. They should not be stabbed in the back by their unpatriotic countrymen!
        5. Whereas, the giving and receiving of bribes and the general knowledge of “the slow bleed” strategy makes all members of both bodies voting in the affirmative co-conspirators in this criminal plot of the highest magnitude!

cc: The Honorable Jeffrey A. Taylor
United States Attorney’s Office
For the District of Columbia
dc.outreach@usdoj.gov

May 1, 2007 is another day of infamy. Reid and Pelosi made there treason and other crimes official.
There efforts to circumvent the Commander in Chief are outrageous! The above court- like paper was
actually sent to U.S. Attorney Taylor. It was plea for justice. Wasn't Randy (Duke) Cunningham sent
to jail for bribery. It was under the counter, but no less guilty than the dealings in the House of
Representatives to do their part in undermining the troops.

I am very proud that President Bush vetoed their tyranny. It may be time, though, to do as President
Lincoln. It would be a great day to see these phony miscreants behind bars. I must honestly believe
that the Democrats know there is a War on Terror, but they and Rino's like Hagel prefer to look the
other way for only one reason. It's a power play for the sake of power, only! We can and will win in
Iraq, because we have to! If anyone thinks that leaving that country before we win, with our tails between
our legs, will keep terror from our shores, they are nuts!

Yes Rosie, the War is Lost


The Typical Democrat Double Standard
by Mark Harris, NationalPoliticalDigest.com


War is the most horrible stage in human relations. That’s why most leaders defer to it only as a last resort.  Now, good people might disagree as to when  war should finally be triggered, but that is the debate that takes place within most modern social structures.

The Iraq war began only after a series of events, or lack thereof, took place. Calls for the President’s
and Vice-President’s respective impeachments  are ludicrous. There is an historical record in this, perhaps more than most,  that belies such poppycock. Peruse the following statement:



“Earlier today, I ordered America's armed forces to strike military and security targets in Iraq. They are joined by British forces. Their mission is to attack Iraq's nuclear, chemical and biological weapons programs and its military capacity to threaten its neighbors. Their purpose is to protect the national interest of the United States, and indeed the interests of people throughout the Middle East and around the world. Saddam Hussein must not be allowed to threaten his neighbors or the world with nuclear arms, poison gas or biological weapons...Other countries possess weapons of mass destruction and ballistic missiles. With Saddam, there is one big difference: He has used them. Not once, but repeatedly. Unleashing chemical weapons against Iranian troops during a decade-long war. Not only against soldiers, but against civilians, firing Scud missiles at the citizens of Israel, Saudi Arabia, Bahrain and Iran. And not only against a foreign enemy, but even against his own people, gassing Kurdish civilians in Northern Iraq.
                                                     
The international community had little doubt then, and I have no doubt today, that left unchecked, Saddam Hussein will use these terrible weapons again. Saddam's deception has defeated their effectiveness. Instead of the inspectors disarming Saddam, Saddam has disarmed the inspectors. This situation presents a clear and present danger to the stability of the Persian Gulf and the safety of people everywhere. The international community gave Saddam one last chance to resume cooperation with the weapons inspectors. Saddam has failed to seize the chance. And so we had to act and act now...

That is why, on the unanimous recommendation of my national security team -- including the vice president, the secretary of defense, the chairman of the joint chiefs of staff, the secretary of state and the national security adviser -- I have ordered a strong, sustained series of air strikes against Iraq. They are designed to degrade Saddam's capacity to develop and deliver weapons of mass destruction, and to degrade his ability to threaten his neighbors. So we will pursue a long-term strategy to contain Iraq and its weapons of mass destruction and work toward the day when Iraq has a government worthy of its people. First, we must be prepared to use force again if Saddam takes threatening actions, such as trying to reconstitute his weapons of mass destruction or their delivery systems, threatening his neighbors, challenging allied aircraft over Iraq or moving against his own Kurdish citizens...
The hard fact is that so long as Saddam remains in power, he threatens the well-being of his people, the peace of his region, the security of the world.”

                                                                                                                                                 Bill Clinton, Late1998                 

Following this effort, United Nations inspectors were expelled for four years. With the re-introduction of inspectors, the obfuscation by Saddam, the series of U.N. resolutions, the ultimate defiance by Saddam, and 9/11 it is very reasonable to extrapolate the exact same results that the Bush Administration came to. President Bush, after heroic  non-war efforts, made the awesome, yet justified, decision to bring us into the confrontation militarily. Rosie, for you and your ilk to continually besmirch and deride the President and claim illegality speaks volumes about your lack of veracity and the crudeness of your mental prowess.  

Nonetheless, the Iraq War has been expensive. Every loss of life is an extreme tragedy. At this writing we have sustained over 3,300 killed. The effort is approaching $400 billion  in military cost and re-construction aid. It cannot be stressed enough, however, that this outlay of blood and treasure is to protect our freedom and promote same around the world. We must also put these losses into historical perspective:
  
    Vietnam War-      Killed in Action ………….47,369
    Korean War-        Killed in Action…………..33,651
    World War II-        Killed in Action…………292,131
    World War I-         Killed in Action…………..53,513                                     

There is something in common with all these dead patriots. The cause of Freedom! They are all positive rays of light in this continuous pursuit to maintain and promote human rights around the world! But, despite all the right things these wars have produced, they are not the wars I am pursuing to make my argument. In
1965, President Lyndon Johnson instigated (and I mean that in the most derogatory fashion) the infamous “War on Poverty”. This “war” has negatively effected millions of people at the lower end of society and has fleeced the American Taxpayer out of trillions of hard earned dollars!

Since its inception, the vast majority of the “poor” have been attracted toward the country’s urban magnets. It is there that the “government dole machine” maintains its highly greased wheels at its sorry best. One would think that this behemoth lube job, might have sparked some positive results, but au contraire. The money
checks and various geegees (that’s government giveaways) are spit out likewatermelon seeds. They grow lots of fluff, but nothing of real value. Perversely,they have reverted a good portion of an entire population into a modern day slavery and brought millions of previously unshackled with them.

What’s the payoff? A quid pro quo of millions of “owed” votes for these libthinking (see New Words, homepage) Democrats who so generously do the “geegee” dance; butter in one hand and a masked whip in the other; and it works! It is now generational! The fathers and unwed mothers know the system. By their actions, poisoned with low self-esteem, they begat children, who begat children, and so on who play the same game. This cycle of non-production has doomed millions and, at the same time, is placing an ultimately unbearable burden on the producing class.
 
In these years since LBJ started the “war”, there have been  hundreds of thousands of murders just in America’s  larger cities.  Let us not go into all the other violent crimes. The statistics are staggering as are the numbers of policemen and firemen and innocent who have lost their lives. The ethos of rearing bastards by day and selling crack by night permeates the dreary urban existence. Once rigid buildings and the already fragile sinew of productive life and hope have vanished into decay. New Orleans is a perfect example of Democrat rule since the ancients. The floods of Katrina caused the lifting of so many of the rats of destitution and prostitution to the top for all to see, just like the Democrat rule in most of the cities. This is what trillions of dollars have bought for us.

So Ro, Harry and Nance, here’s the deal. You and the “bowelmovement.orgasm” crowd need to push your libthinking politicians to do the same thing with the cities of America that you want to do with Baghdad, and, by extension, Iraq. PULL OUT NOW! You don’t want to appear disingenuous, do you? Leave the metro areas of our country to fend for themselves. The “War on Poverty” is an unabashed flop! Pull out policemen, fire control, social services, infrastructure workers, and, oh yes, the bureaucrats that service them. Stop the flow of money! Unlike all our previouswars and the Iraq War which all stressed Freedom, the “War on Poverty” promotes Enslavement!

Of course, the logic of this argument makes too much sense. I have a feeling the silence in the Houses of Congress will be deafening.
 

I Got My Carbon Credit Card

by Mark Harris, National Political Digest.com


Like many people, when checking my mail the other day, I received 
mostly bills, one check and a couple of pre-approved credit card offers. 
Most intriguing was the card with dancing penguins on the front. The 
accompanying letter started, "Dear Mark. You can help save the world!... 
Help fight global warming!...Sincerely, Al Gorebal, Head Snapdragon of the 
International Polar Bear Society." Hey, it looked so impressive with 
the embossed seal. 

That very afternoon, I called the 1-800 number as directed. "CCC 
Enterprises, May I help you?"
"I hope so. What does CCC stand for, and, by the way, do you mind 
telling me where you are?"
Her voice was so sweet and the accent was unusual. For some reason I 
always need to know where they originate.
"Yes, certainly, sir. I'm in the Philippines and CCC stands for 
Carbon Credit Card."
"Well, I think I'd like to activate my card, but I'd like to know 
how it works."
"It's really simple, sir. When you make purchases with the your CCC, 
we plant trees. Trees, trees, trees all over the world!" Her enthusiasm 
started my mind jumping! Saving the world!
"That sounds great! Have you activated many cards?" I wanted to be part 
of something really big!
"Well, actually, you'll be my second one, but, I'm new! 
Earlier, there was a Mr. Nader. Oh, I wasn't supposed to mention that."
"That's okay. I won't say anything. Go ahead and sign me up. By the 
way, is this the only thing you do for the company?"
"Oh, no sir. After I finish my shift here, I'm supposed to go out to 
the beach and plant two palm trees for every new card I set up. A short 
pause, then "Okay, you're all ready to go!"
"Alright. Thanks very much!", I deliberately avoided trying to do any 
multiplication in my head. She seemed so excited.
"Think green!" 

The weatherman had been reporting unusually cold temperatures, but this 
morning, it seemed a little warmer as the sun started to rise. The heat 
on my face only added to my enthusiasm. I had already planned a day of 
spending with my new "Carbon Credit Card". I was "thinking green!"
The first stop on my itinerary was to fill up my fuel tank, so I pulled 
in at my favorite service station. I approached the pump. I had gotten 
used to paying there to avoid the walk inside. To my surprise, when I 
inserted my "Carbon Credit Card" in the slot, a white receipt came out, 
but no fuel! It read, "Sorry. Your card will not work for this brand. 
You must go to 2929 S. Galaxy Drive for fuel." Undeterred, I drove to 
the prescribed address. It wasn't very far and, anyway, I was "thinking 
green!"

I pulled into the driveway. The overhead sign read "Hugo's Service 
Station. We Sell Heave-A-Hol. We Take Carbon Credit Cards". Jackpot! 
They take my card. I wasn't familiar with the brand, though, so I 
went to the office to get some info.

"Sir can you tell me something about this Heave-A-Hol fuel?"
"Oh, si, sir." He was latino but spoke pretty good English. 
"Originally, the government wanted everyone to use gas-a-hol as the answer to the 
energy crisis. It turned out to be too expensive. Corn prices went up! 
That caused even tortillas to go up to $3.00 each! It wasn't as 
efficient as regular fuel, so they came up with Heave-A-Hol."
"I see, but what is it made from?"
"Every morning thousands of the unemployed and homeless, an army of 
them, go around to all the skid rows across the country! The scrape up all 
the puke left on the sidewalks by the drunks. That's all transported 
to a refinery up around Martha's Vineyard. I think some senator 
leases the land to them. But anyway, they mix it with horse and cow manure. 
They refine it and that's how we get Heave-A-Hol!"

I left as soon as I filled up. The visit to the station was very 
disconcerting to me. Talk about the ultimate in recycling. Anyway, I needed 
some cash so I headed toward my usual ATM. I almost didn't make it, 
though. The engine in my car had moaned and wrenched all the way there. I 
swear there were some faint mooing and whinnying sounds coming from the 
rear. I was beginning to feel "green".

Finally, I made it to the drive-thru at the bank. No one in line; 
things were looking up. I forced my card into the machine. "What!" I'm sure 
I startled the lady in the car behind me. The card had climbed back out 
of the slot, crinkled almost beyond recognition. Out came another 
unfriendly looking white slip. "Sorry. The magnetic strip on your card has 
been deactivated. The management at CCC Enterprises has decided it might 
effect the polarity of the planet."

I limped home. My poor Honda appeared to be on the throws of death. I 
raced into the house; furious. 

"Hello!", I yelled when I finally got an answer. "I demand and 
explana...!" and then that same sweet voice.
"CCC Enterprises. May I help you?" 

I proceeded to blurt out what I endured, stuttering I'm sure. But I 
did manage to ask for her supervisor. Her baby smooth voice had softened 
me somewhat. Why rant at her? It probably wasn't her fault. Let me 
rant at her boss!

"May I help you?" Another sweet voice; seemed identical. I began 
explaining the trials I had gone through; I'm sure in a low rage. "Sir. 
What you need is our PCCC."
"PCCC! What in the world is that?" I was beside myself.
That is our "Premier Carbon Credit Card". The CCC is made of switch 
grass and alfalfa. Doesn't hold up well in those machines. Also, 
we've deactivated the magnetic strip on them. I can get you a PCCC almost 
immediately." She was so matter-of-fact that it disarmed me. "We're 
all under the umbrella of the United Nations. I can connect you with 
them."
"United Nations!", I was incredulous. "I don't know if I can get 
credit with the U.N. Is it very tough?"
"Oh, no sir. It won't be any problem at all. It gets handled through 
the same department that used to handle the ˜Oil For Food Program. 
There offices are in Ghana. I'll connect you. Please hold."
"Well, okay, if you think it will work." The telephone rang, changed 
tones, rang some more, then finally I got an answer.

"Hello. Premier Carbon Credit Card. May I help you?" The voice sounded 
very familiar. I had heard it many times, but could't quite put a 
name to it.
"Yes. My name is Mark Harris. To whom am I speaking?"
"Kofi..."
I hung up. I knew I was turning "green".

Relaxation beckoned me. The day had brought exasperation, frustration 
and unusual emotions. The coffee tasted good as I flipped through the 
"Times". A particular article had grabbed my attention. It was about a 
couple who had foregone the use of toilet paper. I assumed it was to help 
lower the use of trees. The lid clanging down on my mailbox drew me 
from my reading.

"Same old stuff", I murmured as I sifted through the stack of letters. 
Then, I noticed a parcel at the foot of the door. It was from a friend. 
I love packages, so I feverishly unwrapped it. 
"Dear Mark", the note started, "You had mentioned you were going green. 
Thought this might help. Let me know how it turns out. Ralph."

The box inside was labeled, "Tranquilo... Invisible Toilet Paper". 
Huh? My mind raced back to the article I had just been reading in the 
newspaper. I turned the end of the dispenser box to me. It read:
Instructions For Use...Start using less and less of your regular 
toilet paper; more and more of Tranquilo. As time goes by you'll reach a 
point where you realize what "going green" really means to you.

My door slammed behind me.

Move Over, Osama!

 

There's A New Kid On The Block
by Mark Harris, National Political Digest.com

lib'-think: the perversion of the Constitution; the mockery of democracy; the combination of 1 part socialism and 1 part communism; the controlling of the vast majority by a small elite through destructive government policies; the manipulation and distortion of the truth; the using of half truths to ensnare, gain sympathy and evoke guilt; to be a member of most of the Democrat leadership; to lie for the sheer benefit of power without regard for what is best for the nation.